A Tribute to My Grandmother, Sandra Ann Lucht
"Be all that you can be. Have goals, work toward them, try to be confident and be kind to other people. All in all, I have had a good life with a lot of happy memories and a lot of wonderful people in it."
This quote is one from my grandma, Sandy, about a year and a half ago. I was in a women's studies class in college and for our final project, we were asked to interview a woman whom we idolize and believed had a lot of wisdom to offer. Naturally, I chose my grandma. This was her response to the question, "What advice do you have for the rising generation for how to live successfully?" Her answer has stuck with me since and has helped me rest assured that she had no regrets, and has passed peacefully.
I've been having a hard time since my grandma's passing. It was abrupt and devastating, at the very least. As each day passes by, I keep thinking this isn't real, and if I just dial up her number we'll have another casual conversation about the orioles outside her window and how my day at work went.
With her funeral having just ended a few days ago, our family members parting their ways and with myself back in Florida trying to focus on work and my schooling, I keep coming back to her. How amazing she was. How she literally, actually made the world a better place for a lot of people. How she changed my life. And how she's leaving behind a powerful legacy.
Losing a family member is heart-breaking, and unfortunately, something we all deal with at one point or another. But most people go through the grieving process and [try] to move on. Some people knew my grandma well, some not at all. But because she always did such an amazing job of making me feel like the most special person on earth, I want to utilize this opportunity to do the same for her. I want her legacy to live on, for her to be remembered and for people to try to follow in her footsteps. People who heard the stories of her at the funeral only have a small fraction of an idea of how amazing this woman was.
This post will stem from the lessons my grandmother taught me growing up. She was my second mother, and I spent a good majority of my life in her care. She raised me, taught me and helped me grow to become who I am today. She loved to share with me stories of her past: her likes, dislikes, what it was like to fall in love with my grandpa, what it was like being an educated woman of her time and how she balanced the life of a daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, teacher, sister and friend. I gave her a book when I was 5 years old (1996) that asked her to answer questions about her life over the course of time. After 9 years, she completed the book and gifted it back to me. Between the pages of this book, my personal interviews of her and the 25 amazing years I had her as a grandmother, I would like to share this all with you.
Her Younger Years:
Grandma grew up in Manawa, WI. She was raised on a farm and although her family was very poor, they made the most of everything they had. Her dad became a farmer after he finished 8th grade and never went to high school (this was common of farm boys back in this time). He worked until the day he died, and being a farmer's kid, grandma's family didn't do a lot away from home because they always had to tend to the farm. She began her lifelong voracious reading career at the age of 5, when she got her first library card. Grandma loved school. When asked if she ever pretended to be sick as an excuse to stay home, she said "quite the opposite!" She loved learning and tried to hide her chicken pox from her mom so she wouldn't have to stay home. She cried when she discovered the measles that had kept her home from school and the district solo/ensemble contest.
Grandma's favorite place that she went to to be alone was her family's orchard, that had about 16 apple trees. She had a favorite tree that she would climb with a good book and a salt shaker (for eating apples). She also had her own bedroom, which she always thought was special. Her parents never entered and she was allowed to decorate it the way she wanted. She'd spend her nights sitting by the open window, staring at the stars, singing to herself and writing poetry. She also enjoyed laying on the linoleum floor of their dining room and listening to her favorite radio programs, "Father Knows Best", "Fibber McGee & Molly" or "Baby Snooks" (these types of things are a lost art)!
Grandma often talked about how she lived in a much simpler time. Money was tight, but was never anyone's main priority. Her family owned very few things beyond what they needed. Most of their clothes were home-made, and most of their food came from the garden. For living on a farm, they didn't even own a sprinkler or hose, and never watered their plants. They relied solely on God's help to make sure it rained enough for their garden to grow.
Grandma and her sisters didn't have many toys; they would use their imagination for primarily everything. Growing up, they cut things out of catalogs to make paper houses with paper dolls. They received one doll a year on Christmas and cherished them. That's why she never forgot the day she decided to cut all the hair off of her older sister's doll (for which she said she had no motive), and in returned received a great deal of wrath and punishment! When asked if she ever "stole" anything, she mentioned a time from back in college. She had chapped lips and couldn't afford a 35 cent chapstick, so she snuck a finger-full of Vaseline from her roommate's jar. She said she was petrified that her roommate would walk in and catch her, and she felt very guilty about taking it. All over some Vaseline. Grandma just had a really good heart and clean conscience.
She was very close to her daddy growing up. He always told her, "Always do what you believe is the right thing and do the best you can. God will take care of the rest." She admired the advice her dad gave her, and often mentioned how he was a great example of looking forward, not backwards. To carry on this legacy, grandma taught me not to wallow in regrets or harbor resentments or bitterness.
Grandma elaborated on some of the best advice her mother gave her, "Make the best of what you have." Her entertainment came in the form of books, going to the malt shop to hang out with friends and dancing to the juke box. She and her friends would watch American Bandstand on t.v. and gather in the locker room to practice their dance moves (square dancing, polkas, schottisches, waltzes and the jitterbug... but she never mastered the twist). Grandma always lived modestly and within her means. She lived a mile out of the city limits and two miles from the high school. She often walked home from school and events. If it were dark, she'd hide in the ditch and let cars pass by. Though she's not sure why she was so scared, as they didn't have violence in her town those days. It was a very safe community in which the neighbors knew and watched out for each other.
Her favorite time of year was autumn, because it meant going back to school and being with friends again. Up until high school, summer was basically "home on the farm" with sisters and the neighbor boys being the only companions. One summer during a polio outbreak, the whole family stayed home the entire time. No church, no grocery shopping, no visiting others. It was during this time they had a party-line of 16, so she didn't phone friends either. Instead, she spent this summer writing letters to her 4-H friend, Mary Ann, who lived only seven miles away.
Saturdays during her childhood were spent doing housework; Grandma preferred dusting the china cabinet while her sisters did kitchen work. Afternoons were for play time. In high school, she often babysat on Saturday nights for 25 cents an hour (or sometimes only a dollar for 6-8 hours). Another job she had was picking cucumbers and selling them to a local pickle factory, which she always described as back-breaking, hot work. She earned by the pound at this job, and on a good day would take home a few dollars. Other jobs included cleaning houses, working at a dry goods store, waitressing, working as a laundry maid at a resort in Waupaca and being a nurse's aid at a nursery home. Grandma said that all the money she earned from these jobs she blew on lipstick and clothes. She wasn't as good of a saver as her sisters. That's why her dad told her to let Larry handle all of their finances, because he didn't trust Sandy to manage money.
Sundays were spent at St. Paul's Lutheran Church, followed by a roast chicken dinner and pie made by her mama. When grandma started dating my grandpa Larry on August 4th, 1957, they would often spend their Sunday nights at the movies. Movies were 13 cents and sometimes included a double feature, a news reel, a cartoon and previews (she was excited about it all).
Random facts about her younger years:
1. She had wished her name was Paige, because she thought that would have been a cute name for an author (which she wanted to be).
2. The most trouble she got into as a kid was when she neglected to carry through on one of her chores. She was in charge of "watching the cows." When Carol (her older sister) chased them out of the pasture across the road from the barn, Grandma's job was to be the guard, making sure they didn't take off down the road. One day when she was supposed to be doing this, she stayed up in the apple tree reading a book (total Sandy Lucht move). As a result, the cows ended up half a mile away in a neighbor's garden, trampling all their plants and furthermore not milking well that night. This cost her family a lot of money (money was tight back then, so losing a whole garden worth of vegetables was bad news).
3. Her first crush was Gary Prellwitz when she was in the 5th grade. She wrote about him in her diary, "Gary smiled at me today." But she decided to give him up when she realized her initials would be S.A.P. if she married him. She was only 10 when she realized this!
4. Her first kiss was when she was 5. She was dared to go kiss the boy on the merry-go-round, so she did! Her older sister Carol was so embarrassed she made Sandra walk many steps behind her the whole way home.
5. Before knowing about the dangers of smoking, she and a bunch of girls would crowd into a bathroom stall at Weisbrod's grocery store every Friday night to share a smoke. She said one pack would last them months. "Six girls in a 3' by 3' John-somebody standing on it. We were so-o cool!"
6. Her first pizza place pizza wasn't until after the summer she graduated from high school. She had it at Whispering Pines (which was a resort she worked at near Waupaca).
7. She wrote a poem about her dad, titled "A Farmer's Eye", that was published when she was younger. She also had other published works such as an article she wrote in a book and a software program.
8. She didn't start listening to music until high school, in which her first favorite song became "Love Me Tender" by Elvis Presley (which she made a point to memorize the lyrics in Latin class... sassy Sandra!)
9. One of her proudest childhood moments was when she took first prize in the county for her 4-H record book.
10. One of her hidden talents was her artistic skills, especially in paintings. She often painted murals and store windows at Rodeo time (mostly rodeo scenes). She never had an art teacher back during this time, so she was strictly self-taught until she was able to take an art class at UW-Madison. This is when she realized she was years behind everyone else, so that ended her art career.
11. She received her first ever "B" grade in early high school from her civics teacher, Ken Fritz. She cried. Then she admitted that her junior year, she was so in love with my grandpa that she let her studies slide. She dropped from Highest Honors to Honorable Mention. She admitted to these grades being unacceptable because she was smarter than that; so she shaped up, worked harder and got her grades back up. Her lesson to me: "Never do less than your best. You'll regret it if you do." Way to distract her Grandpa!!
12. Her parents would drop her off at Sunday school every week and pick her up after. Bible study consisted of lessons followed by a social hour. She often would skip the social hour and walk into town to buy a donut, making sure she was back before her parents picked her up so they wouldn't know she had left. I am my grandmother's granddaughter!
Her Young Adult and Teaching Years:
Sandra started off her college career at the University of Wisconsin-Madison as a freshman. I remember her telling me her tuition (with room and board included) was only $100. She chose this school because her grandfather, Warren Heineman, had graduated from there and her sister Carol had started there. At the time, her grandfather was the only college graduate on either side of the relation. She transferred to Stevens Point her sophomore year and eventually earned her B.S. and M.S.T. there.
She majored in English and minored in Sociology while also dabbling in journalism, nursing and home economics. She had always loved English, but had actually chosen it because it was her cheapest choice. Since her two oldest children, Lisa and Linda, were just babies, she wanted as few lab classes as possible to avoid excess baby sitter fees. She talked about a major turning point in her life being getting married before she finished college because it required a lot of adjustments and quick growing up. Furthermore, going back to college after she had kids and getting her Masters after being a grown up adult was challenging, but a wonderful and enriching learning experience. "Personal traits improved as I matured. I have a very good brain, I enjoy learning and I enjoy teaching." -Grandma Sandy
Sandra Lucht was an inspiring teacher in ways that go above and beyond. When I was growing up, people's faces would light up the minute I told them that Sandy was my grandma. They would go on to exclaim how she was their favorite teacher of all time and she taught them so many things about the world. Several of her student's went on to become English teachers or journalists themselves, strictly due to her influence. Grandma had a sincere passion for what she did.
"My greatest contribution in life came from teaching. Students would come back and thank me for being such a strict, demanding teacher and that it prepped them better for college. Even the kids that didn't like English thanked me afterwards."
She'd say the old phrase, "Give someone a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach someone how to fish and he feeds himself for life." She truly believed in the value and importance of what she was doing for her students and did her best to shape their lives, in which she succeeded. She elaborated on the qualities that make a good teacher great: enthusiasm for their subject, dedication and professionalism, always expecting a student's best and nothing less, and the ability to teach not only the subject, but also character. My grandmother embodied these qualities perfectly.
Through St. Anthony's church, grandma Sandy participated in a Catholic Charities program and "adopted" a child from the Philippines named Sarah. She sponsored her for 16 years, writing her frequent letters, and sent her pictures and money for basic needs such as clothing and food. She even had me write her a couple times over the years as well. Grandma developed a close relationship with this young girl. When Sarah was about 16 or 17, grandma received an abrupt notice that Sarah was being eliminated from the program for "bad behavior." I remember this broke Grandma's heart and she cried about it often. She considered this young girl a part of her life, a friend, and she suddenly was not allowed any more contact with her. This incident was a true example of the type of woman my grandmother was: kind-hearted, nurturing and giving. She had expressed so much love and caring for a child she had never even met.
Likes:
1. Researching and reading
2. Writing papers
3. Writing poetry
4. Art
5. Going to Larry's baseball games
6. Raising a family and grandchildren
7. Socializing with good people
Dislikes:
1. People who put on like they're better than other people
2. Entertaining other people
3. Attending fancy cocktail/dinner parties, she felt like too much of a farm girl
4. Talking to an adult audience (refused to lecture at church for her fear of being in front of a big crowd)
5. Heights...and more specifically, bridges.
Her Thoughts On Being a Female During Her Time:
Growing up in her time, it was customary for the man to support the family and the woman to be a stay at home mom (which was especially trying for a farm wife having to deal with outside work, gardening, canning, et cetera). When she graduated from high school, women had four options: get married, become a nurse, become a teacher or become a secretary. It wasn't until the 1960s that things started to change and more and more women started to work outside of the home (including her mother) and a lot of girls were going to college to experience a variety of options. Grandma always said she grew up in a period of change. The women of her time worked, and did everything at home aside.
When asked if she ever felt less smart than men: "Never felt that I wasn't as smart as men...heck no, I was smarter!!" She was one of the brightest students in her class and always thought she was smarter and a harder worker than most boys.
Unfortunately, her gender did affect her work experiences early on. One major issue she had to face was being forced to leave her first job as a teacher because she was pregnant with her third child (way to go, Brett). Although she was married, had a college education and proved to be an excellent teacher, the school thought it would be inappropriate to have a pregnant woman lecturing the students so she was forced to resign.
Her Thoughts On Her Upbringing vs. the Modern World:
"If a girl got pregnant when I was growing up, she had two options: get married really fast or go out of town, have the baby secretly and give it up for adoption. Whichever it was, everybody tried to keep it a secret. Now we have same-sexed partners adopting babies which is a big change. We also have people having numerous affairs and never try to hide it which is a negative aspect of the modern world."
"When I was in high school, girls had one pair of slacks that they wore to an athletic game, but not to school. When I was a senior, skirt length got a little shorter (to just below the knee). It wasn't until the 70's where they came out with what we call mini skirts. Nowadays a lot of skin is showing that we never would have done and today there is more awareness of what fashion is in and what's out. We never really regarded fashion, everyone wore the same things."
When comparing today's young adults as opposed to the ones from her time, grandma noted several differences in the way people behaved and composed themselves. "All the girls and most of the guys had fairly clean mouths during my day and rarely ever swore; "oh sugar" was about as bad as it got."
What I Loved About Her Most:
1. She was the most jumpy person I've ever known. You could warn her you're coming from a mile away, but she would still scream her lungs out the moment you appeared.
2. She had a secret chocolate bar stash. Correction, she had EIGHT secret chocolate bar stashes. Her favorite was Snickers, which she would get from the vending machine daily back in her teaching days.
3. She had a sharp mind. Reading her journal entries from her childhood, she was so mature beyond her years. She was one of the most intellectual women I have ever had the pleasure to know, and she always worked on strengthening her mind to her very last days with her vast love of books and reading.
4. She never got mad at me. That's the best thing about grandparents. They've spent all their years getting mad at their kids, that grandkids can simply do no wrong. :-)
5. She always had my back. Whether I was having a conflict with my mom or dad, another family member or friend, she always took up for me.
6. She and I have the same taste in a lot of our favorite authors. I guess you could say we're both hopeless romantics and like a good love story or mystery, therefore, she would share her endless book collection with me then have an unofficial book club meeting to talk about our favorites.
7. She had a heart for animals. I've always had the biggest compassion for all animals, especially dogs. She and I shared this bond. I grew up with her dog, Mopsy, pretending she was my own and this initiated my obsession of puppies. When I got two dogs for myself within this past year before her death (Lambeau and Lombardi), Grandma fell in love and helped watch them for me from time to time when I was home. She also regularly contributed to the Humane Society and National Wildlife campaigns. She said she believed in protecting endangered species.
8. She had a heart of gold. Everything she loved and cared about, she cared about deeply. This is how everyone should live.
9. She loved our family heritage. As a kid, I didn't see why she cared so much about who our great-grandfather six times removed was, but over time I grew to really love and appreciate the work she did to find out where we came from. She has traced our family tree back to the late 1600's which required a lot of research and long letters sent back and forth to European countries for information. I love being able to look back into my family history hundreds of years and say that the Lucht and Jawort family literally pretty much started the state of Wisconsin (since we moved in decades before it even became an official state) --now that's the true definition of a Sconnie.
10. She was strong in her faith. She wanted to make sure she was doing everything in her power to live a life with God, free from sin. She set a great example for those around her.
11. She embarrassed SO easily. It was the cutest thing. Literally everything humiliated her and she hated being the center of attention.
12. She liked to stay up late, just like me, and sleep in every morning. I've always been a night owl and would stay up to 2 or 3 every night if work didn't force me to be in so early in the morning. So I loved that I could count on her for a late-night talk.
13. She always wrote me letters. When I went off to college, I could expect hand-written notes from her weekly. Even though we'd talk on the phone frequently, she would write to keep me up to date on life and send me newspaper clippings of articles she thought I might enjoy. What a simple yet sweet act of love.
My Favorite Memories of Her:
1. Having her be my biggest supporter (tied with my mom and grandpa). She never missed a basketball game, cross country or track meet. She never missed a scholarship banquet or a band and choir concert. She came to all 4 showings of the musical I participated in during high school. She was there for my high school and college graduation. She visited me in college 4 times (even though it was 4 hours on the opposite side of the state). All my big life events included her, and that makes me so grateful. Many people do not have these types of individuals in their life who make you such a high priority, especially when they aren't required to.
2. I saw my very first Broadway musical, Annie, with her as a kid. We sat front row together! It has been one of my favorite's ever since.
3. Seeing her reaction when I tied a rubber band around the water faucet in her kitchen several years in a row on April Fool's Day (and some other random times during the year when I just felt like being a brat). Getting sprayed directly in the face with water first thing in the morning is a trick that doesn't get old. Or even better yet, the time she didn't understand what was happening and decided to run away after she turned the faucet on (causing water to spray all the way across the kitchen for a good 30 seconds). But like I said, she never got mad at me :-)
4. My senior year when she and grandpa visited me in La Crosse and she wanted to see every place I've ever been. We went out to eat where I worked, we hiked the bluffs and we went to my favorite ice cream parlor. I was so honored that she cared that much about the little things.
5. Golfing with her as a kid. When I first got into golf, she was way better than me. Slowly but surely over the years, my skills improved and I started to show her out. But she was always the best sport about it, taking pride in the fact that I loved playing with her.
6. Playing dress up in her night gowns. Seriously, grandma Sandy had it going on. Not sure where she acquired all of her gowns, but they were always the prettiest, silkiest, most old fashioned looking things ever and as a kid I loved them. We would wear them together and put on pearls and earrings and fancy hats. I would wear her old antique broaches and together we would role play as royalty and famous queens.
7. When we vacationed to Florida for the first time together. We went to Disney, Universal Studios, Sea World and all the other typical touristy places. I remember having been upset because we went right after a major hurricane hit and our resort had no power, but grandma was my own personal ball of positivity and helped make everything perfect.
8. Dancing in the gazebo. When grandma and grandpa got a gazebo for their backyard, they were so proud and excited about it. So we would often spend our late afternoons/evenings sitting in the gazebo, listening to music and dancing. I went through a phase as a "songwriter" as well, in which she got very excited to listen to me sing and perform my new pieces. Sorry grandma, I definitely stole most of my song lyrics from Shakira, but I don't think you know who that is anyway so it's okay.
9. Singing karaoke. I got a karaoke machine for Christmas one year and basically always forced my grandma to be my duet singing partner. She hated her own voice but always participated in my talent shows just to make me happy.
10. She sang me to sleep every night. Like I said, she hated her own voice. But she knew that I loved when she sang me old lullabies ("Tu ra lu ra lu ra" and "Oh Shenandoh" were my favorites). So every night, she would sit on the edge of my bed singing me these songs and rubbing my back until I fell asleep. I loved these times. In high school, I chose to sing her favorite song (Oh Shenandoh) for the district and state solo/ensemble contest. She was beyond honored.
11. Visiting her classroom after school. She would let me write lesson plans on the board. I didn't know much about lesson plans, so I always wrote in big letters: "Today's Lesson: Sit down and shut up!" She loved it, and would let me leave it there for her students to see the following morning.
12. We would often stay up late together, bonding over whatever topic it was that night. Some nights she'd read while I did homework, other nights we might have just relaxed and listened to music. Most nights though, we made midnight waffles together while grandpa was sound asleep :-)
13. Listening to her old, old records on her old, old record player. I felt very retro. We would sing and dance together. We shared a love of music. She was also a huge reason I decided to play the trombone, since she played it growing up and loved it. It only took me 5 years of playing before I realized this wasn't my calling in life.
14. Going with her to my first and only circus show as a kid. She was really afraid of the elephants stampeding, but sucked up her fears to make me happy!
15. She got a Facebook account the summer before I went off to college as another means of keeping up with me while I was gone. After a solid month of teaching her how to use it, she was still completely clueless. She often tried to send me personal messages but instead ended up updating her status for everyone to see. She also left several comments on pictures that were completely irrelevant and made no sense, I loved it!
The Funny Stories That Made Her Who She Was:
1. For my grandpa's 50th birthday party, Grandma arranged a big surprise party. She hired a woman who dressed up as "Sister Mary Holy Water." The family told this woman all about Larry's past and she tried to shame him into going to confession.
2. Grandma had season tickets to the Weidner Center in Green Bay for a few years (a performing arts center that put on plays and theatrical shows). Since she had admission to most of the shows that came to the area, she decided to get tickets to Weird Al Yankovic and take Grandpa. They sat in the first row and Weird Al poured a whole bucket of water on Grandpa! He was so mad, he told Grandma they were going to leave during intermission... but there never was an intermission. Grandma had no idea who Weird Al even was, woops!
3. When she was a sophomore at UW-Stevens Point, she took a wrong turn driving home to Manawa and ended up in Plainfield, WI. Let me paint this picture for you: Manawa is 38 miles due EAST of Stevens point, and Plainfield is 28 miles due SOUTH of Stevens Point. That's a serious wrong turn and a serious long time before she realized she made a mistake (Grandma was never the best with directions). Anyway, Plainfield is home to the serial killer, Ed Gein, who killed women and chopped up their corpses, using their skin for lampshades and the likes. Well grandma thought she was the next victim when she found herself accidentally in Plainfield, so she locked all the doors and bolted out of town (Ed Gein had been long imprisoned by then). She often told me this story as being one of her most traumatizing experiences.
4. As a sophomore in high school, she still had never been educated about "the birds and the bees" and wasn't exactly sure how babies came out of their mothers. She was convinced (at the age of about 16 mind you...only a few years before her first child) that they must come out of the mother's belly-button.
5. The story of how she came to date grandpa Larry is interesting. It was actually a ploy of revenge. A good friend of hers, Carol, upset Grandma one summer. Grandma had a friend from Camp Luther (that she camped at for 1-2 weeks every summer) visit her, and even though Carol knew the friend too, completely ignored her the whole time. Grandma decided to get "revenge" on Carol by accepting to go on a group date with Larry (because Carol had the biggest crush on him at the time). As Grandma said, "The rest, as you know, is history!" I didn't know she had it in her!
6. In high school she started to experiment with hair coloring. Since all of her hair cuts, perms and dyes were done at home to save money, she tried to dye her roots with Clorox once. As a result, her hair tinted green and her scalp scabbed over! Now I know where I get my blonde moments from ;-)
Seeing you go has been the hardest loss in my life thus far, but I know you're where you need to be. I am so lucky to have you as my guardian angel, and to have shared as close of a relationship with you as I did. I know not everyone can have such a special bond between a grandmother and granddaughter. Thank you for the amazing family you raised, I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such loving people who all had the blessing to be taught by you. You'll be missed every single day, sweat pea. Until we meet again... I love you.
"Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day...unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear."
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