Changing People's Hearts-Wake Up, America

Haylee Sandra
Sep 23, 2016
17 min read

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. -Margaret Mead

I've contemplated writing this post for a long time. Years even. I usually stay out of strong topic issues on social media and avoid arguments at all costs. This is because I don't consider myself a very good debater and don't like confrontation with friends and family who have differing views than my own. I respect that everyone has different beliefs, and I'm usually one of the most open-minded people when it comes to seeing every perspective. Therefore, I rarely post anything in regards to politics, religion or ongoing racial issues affecting our country. That, however, does not mean at all that I'm not passionate about my stance on certain topics, especially this one. Furthermore, I have a pretty low tolerance for ignorance. With that, I do not want to stay silent anymore.

I started dating Anson in 2012, when I was 20 years old. Needless to say, I was pretty blind back then in respect to the racial issues still present in our country. Growing up in Wisconsin, I really did not see it much. I was raised without racism, and taught to love and treat everyone the same. I did not grow up in an area with many people of color, and therefore these specific issues were not ones that became relevant in my every day life. It wasn't until I fell in love with a black man that these instances became evident and really started to hit me.

Let me start by painting a picture of the type of guy Anson is for those of you who do not know him. He is a kind, genuine, respectable member of society. He has served in our military for 8 years, has a proper education, has never committed any crimes, partakes in community service and is an overall outstanding citizen. This is the same that goes for several black men and women in our country, but unfortunately is something I have to point out because America's initial perception of most black people does not reflect this. Let me also say that he is the last person to ever play victim. Experiencing the injustice that has happened to him solely due to a result of his skin color, to his brothers and sisters, his family and friends, he does not sit around and ask for sympathy. He takes it for what it is, and carries on about his life the best way he can. However, that does not mean the ones advocating for change are being "cry babies" and attention seekers. It means they are simply asking for the same freedoms that are supposed to be granted to each and every American.

Before I get the same response I often get when trying to advocate for a necessary change, I'm not promoting a black versus white community. People are often quick to say that we shouldn't be hyping up instances of injustice or comparing how a white man is detained/incarcerated versus how his black counterpart is treated for menial instances. They say that portraying these atrocities only ensures that hatred will continue to grow and divide the races. Honestly, I can see why some would think this is the answer. Promote peace and happiness, right? Promote love, right? Say everyone is equal, right? But isn't that something we've been trying to do as a country for decades? Wouldn't making a blanketed announcement to the nation saying, "Hey, let's all get along and treat each other as equals" just solve everything? Oh wait, we've done that. How has it worked? I'm sorry, but sitting back, seeing these enormities continuously occurring, and approaching it with quiet sorrow, hope and prayer is not working and will not work. Prayer and hope needs to be followed up by action. There are too many ignorant people in this country that do not see or understand why there needs to be a change. That is why we have to show them, we have to compare, we have to give numbers and examples, we have to WAKE PEOPLE UP. Just like I had to wake up over 4 years ago.

From personal experience, my relationship has lead me to witness racial injustice far too regularly. The first time I experienced it was one night when we were out in Denver with some friends. We were all enjoying ourselves, nobody was acting repugnant or bothering others. Anson and I were dancing with each other, having a good time, as most other couples were doing. Then I noticed a white man our age walking in our direction. He stopped in front of me, looked at me, looked at Anson, and shook his head in disapproval before walking away. Really? 2012 and the sight of an inter-rational couple upsets and/or disgusts you? Even being as dismayed as I was that this really actually bothered someone, I still figured that's the worse it would get for our relationship, and that I could handle. Well, I was in for a rude awakening.

I've witnessed Anson being treated extremely different from any of the other friends, boyfriends, family members or peers I've surrounded myself with up to this point. I've seen him followed around a grocery store, being watched by workers to ensure he wasn't going to steal anything. No one has ever followed me around a store for fear I was going to commit theft. I find it highly coincidental that Anson is always the one selected for "random drug testing" after every holiday weekend/vacation, or has his car pulled over often for "random" inspection. If these testings are so "random", why is he always "randomly" selected along with his other black peers? I also find it disheartening that I've seen him looked down upon by so many white people who do not even know him, but have made their assumptions about his character based upon nothing but his skin.

I was the passenger in his car when he got pulled over by the police for a reason they could not clarify. He was not speeding. Nothing was wrong with his vehicle. He was not driving recklessly. He was the designated driver for me and two of my [white] girlfriends, which apparently was viewed as malicious. After the cop called for backup, there were soon 4 cops at the scene, in which he was asked to get out of the car. Still, no one could answer as to why he was pulled over. He was patted down, pushed against his car, run through a series of unnecessary tests, only to be accused of drinking and driving (again with no such evidence) and was implicated in a rude manner. All the while he remained calm, polite, and compliant, yet was still treated like garbage. I often question what may have happened if three white women hadn't been there on the scene, pleading for answers as to why these actions were necessary.

Another disconcerting instance occurred on a family trip to the Dominican Republic for his uncle's wedding. The whole family was sitting around one night, in our own area, not bothering anyone but enjoying the company of family being together. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. Your typical scene of a happy family. Postcard worthy. An older white man came up to me, sitting in the middle of this black family, and asked if I needed him to take me away from "these kinds of people." I was simply taken off guard and asked, "Excuse me?" And he replied with, "A pretty girl like you doesn't need to be hanging around with the likes of their kind." I was appalled. I told him that this was my family and he could leave. He spent the rest of the night passing our group often to ensure I was okay.

The rest of the family shook it off fast, as it's unfortunately something they are used to dealing with. This deeply bothered Anson, though, and I could see it in his face the rest of the night. He felt like he had failed me somehow. He felt like his family wasn't good enough, and never would be, when all they were doing was having a good time on vacation with one another. When my mother heard this story, her response (like many mothers who are not used to these occurrences) was, "See, I never wanted Haylee to have to go through something like that." But me?? I was just a witness. I was the one trying to be "saved." Anson and his family were the targets here. Who's to say they should have to go through something like that? Nobody wants to experience these situations. Just because their skin is dark doesn't mean they should tolerate racism just because it has become their norm.

What absolutely breaks my heart is that the love of my life has had to apologize to me for what may come of our relationship someday. He is scared that our children could very likely become the victims of racial profiling, and he would feel responsible for having to apologize to me and my family for our loss and our grief. He believes it would be his fault as a consequence of his skin color. When he explains his sorrow for the fact that he has no choice but to have black kids, that his kids will likely go through some of the horrific acts he's had to, and so many others have had to, I die a little bit on the inside. He is such an amazing, kindhearted and loving individual that it crushes me to ever see him stereotyped and categorized as a bad person capable of doing wrong. He is no different than me, but yet is treated so differently.

Yes, there are other problems out there in our society, but that doesn't mean we should ignore this one.

Now, personal story aside, I want to address the growing controversies that everyone is in a constant uproar about. First of all, if people could stop getting so dang offended by EVERYTHING nowadays, that would really help sort out a lot of problems on their own. For instance, let's examine the preeminent Black Lives Matter movement. Never once did anyone throw an "only" in front of that. It's simply a group that started as a means for peaceful protesters to bring attention to and advocate for the lives that have been seemingly neglected as opposed to others. By instead representing "white lives matter" and "all lives matter" as a response, you are only pointing out that you have absolutely no clue what's going on or what the issue is at hand. Go to a gay pride festival and start shouting, "straight lives matter!" Like no duh, they've always mattered and no one has ever punished you for being straight, so we don't need to advocate for it. Go to a breast cancer walk and start shouting, "but all cancers matter!" Again, no duh. But this particular cause is to bring attention to breast cancer. So let's all stop getting offended, because we know that white lives matter. We've never been enslaved for it nor has history shown much on people being chastened for their white skin.

R.I.P. Trayvon Martin

On the contrary, I apprehend why many people despise what the Black Lives Matter movement has become. Because although it started off as peaceful protesting, far too many people have taken it too far, have started riots, created damage, killed others, have promoted killing police, and committed other acts of idiocy that is in no way supported or justifiable by anyone of sane mind. It's gotten out of hand, and I can agree with that. Nonetheless, not everyone in this group is supporting these horrific acts of violence and destruction. There are still many advocating peacefully, not only for injustice to their own, but for the injustice committed against white people and other races as well. So take that for what it's worth and don't be so quick to cringe when you see another BLM hashtag or post.

R.I.P. Aiyana Jones

Next, can everyone stop freaking out about the National Anthem already. I will tell you up front, Anson and I stand for the National Anthem, we always have and always will. Because even though we are advocating for the same things, we simply choose not to show it in the same way Collin Kaepernick or other NFL players have. Does that mean we are outraged by their actions? No. It is their constitutional right to decide whether or not they want to stand for the anthem, and if they choose not to, that's not my place to reprehend them for it. But you have all got to CALM DOWN in your responses to what them sitting means. If you would take a minute to truly analyze what the National Anthem even represents, your claims would have no fire. Let me lay it out for you. The National Anthem does not represent 9/11. It does not represent the innocent men and women that lost their lives that day due to the despicable acts of terrorism. The National Anthem does not represent war or the ongoing fight our military personnel are partaking in every day overseas. The National Anthem does not represent all the values you guys accuse Kaepernick and other NFL players of hating by sitting or kneeling.

The National Anthem represents freedom. It represents victory. It represents a country that has declared itself part of the free world, as one nation, together. It was written over 200 years ago to signify the glorious sight of our flag standing at daybreak during the War of 1812. The song today is used to represent America's values, and to represent the fight we've contended to get to where we are. So, if some people are not receiving the same freedoms as others in this country, why should they be proud of our anthem? If some people do not feel this country gives justice for all and is not truly the land of the free, why stand for those words and pretend that's the case? These players' actions aren't to piss people off, they're to wake people up. Stop being part of the problem by continuing to ignore the reasoning for these actions. As a little side note, Francis Scott Key was a slave owner himself. So I'm sure that as he was writing the anthem, he wasn't truly considering this being "the land of the free," and if he couldn't practice what he preached, this can't be seen as offensive toward what the anthem symbolizes either.

R.I.P. Danroy DJ Henry

Furthermore, a lot of people seem to think veterans are extremely offended by this notion to sit or kneel for the anthem. On the contrary, most veterans are not offended at all. They know that the National Anthem doesn't represent them. Many veterans are backing these players because they have either experienced these claims first hand, or they have taken the time to understand these issues rather than jumping to conclusions and getting offended. Finally, if one more person says "if you don't like it then you can leave" or "if you don't think you're free you can go somewhere else," I can truly say I will lose respect for you. You are doing the exact opposite of promoting peace and love in a country you claim is rooted in these values. Ignorance is bliss. Trump supporters will praise him for his whole campaign being rooted in the argument that America is not great, but want to make him president. But when Kaepernick says it's not great, you want him to leave.

R.I.P. Tamir Rice

Instead of trying to work together as a nation to fix the broken hearts of those who have been abused, people are so quick to tell them to get out instead. How is that supporting the benchmarks set forth by our anthem? These individuals don't want to leave, this is their home, the country that they love. If they didn't want to stay or didn't care about the direction our society is headed toward, they would not be trying to advocate to make it better. Lastly, if you sport the confederate flag in any way shape or form, you are completely disqualified from criticizing anyone for sitting/kneeling during the anthem. That act of protest is no where near the level of disrespect you show by celebrating the failed attempt at seceding from the country you claim to love.

Another way people are contributing to the problem is by throwing out statistics as a defense to justify innocent black men losing their lives. But this is not about black on black crime, black on white crime, white on black crime, or blacks on cops crime. In almost all circumstances, if a black man commits a crime, big or small, he is punished for it. And rightfully so. I am 100% against people murdering cops. I 100% agree that most cops are excellent people, and I trust in them to protect me. I will in no way ever condone violence and murder, and I will never think that it is okay for any individual to walk away from their wrongdoings, no matter the color of their skin. We need to find a way to stop the unnecessary loss of life that is a huge problem in our country, but that is not the problem being addressed here. (Again don't shout all cancers matter at a breast cancer walk). The problem being addressed is in the brutality. If one black man kills another, he will go to jail for it. End of story. However, if an officer kills an unarmed, innocent black man, they go on administrative leave and return to work later when the mess has been cleared up. This is not justice for the loss of life. In addition, when a black man commits a crime, he is punished for it (whether by going to jail or being killed). However, if his white counterpart commits the same crime, there's a chance he could walk free or get a light sentence.

R.I.P. Jordan Davis

In 2016 alone, 150+ black individuals (men, women and children) became a hashtag, as they had their lives unjustly ripped from them by members of law enforcement. The reasons for these fatalities? A broken taillight, a stalled car, selling CD's, walking to a convenient store, playing alone with a toy gun (as most kids do), building a tree-house, reading a book in their car, complying with the officer, playing in the park, playing music, asking for help after an accident, et cetera. They get killed, and nothing is done about their death. We have black children being mistreated under the presumption that they have more attitude and less compliance compared to their white peers. This matters to me because that will be my children someday. I can teach them to behave, to be genuine and kind, to speak proper, to dress right, to be educated. But none of that will matter if they're viewed as "just another black kid." A 15 year old girl was recently arrested after she got hit by a car on her bike. She suffered no injuries, felt fine, and requested not to go to the hospital because she wanted to go home to her family. She's 15 and scared, as most young kids would be in similar situations. So using police force to cuff her and throw her against a brick wall is completely unnecessary. Situations like these have been happening to our black youth for far too long.

Yes, there are other problems out there in our society, but that doesn't mean we should ignore this one.

These police officers are rarely held accountable. They enable themselves to shoot before asking questions because they are largely protected by the force and those apart of the "blue lives matter" movement. They are backed every step of the way, even if what they committed was murder. Everyone is so quick to defend their actions, finding the smallest pieces of evidence for why these black men should have been killed. "Oh, they listened to foul music", "oh they sagged their pants", "oh, they were reaching in an area that could have possibly been hiding a gun, even if the officer told them to reach for their wallet", "oh, one of their pictures makes them look like a thug." However, when a white man commits ACTUAL crimes, no one is looking at their history trying to convict them of being an awful person. Instead, it's noted all the great things they had going for them, and all the potential they had to offer the world.

We have white men raping girls and getting off with hardly a slap on their wrist. A white man had just murdered two people and was found eating the face off of one, and he was detained calmly. The white shooter involved in the Charleston church shooting was handled with care and after exclaiming he was hungry (I guess murdering 9 black people works up an appetite), the cops took him to Burger King for a free meal. Several recent white bombers, literal terrorists, who get in shoot outs with the cops, are safely confined and taken alive. In addition, a belligerent white man who literally threatened the life of two officers for several minutes by trying to attack them with a hatchet, screaming insanities and posing as a serious threat, never once had a gun pulled on him, and was allowed to walk away from the incident.

R.I.P. John Crawford

You switch any of these men out for a black man and the story takes a total 180. Am I advocating for black men to be able to get off as easily as white men, or to be treated better after committing despicable acts? Not at all. They should be treated like the dirt that they are if they are truly deserving of it. What needs to change is the way society views black people as a whole. How we stereotype them. How we talk about them. How we group them. Only through advocating love, acceptance and understanding for everyone, can we truly shift the current dynamic of the country. It will teach cops to not be afraid every time they see a black man and assume the worst of them. It will also teach a general sense of equality to ensure each person receives equal treatment for their crimes, despite their skin color.

The problem is that too many people's hearts in this world are filled with hate, and not enough love. We need to advocate love, acceptance and understanding instead of hate, violence and judgement. We need to change people's hearts.

We need more than just the black community to advocate for the need of change. We need everyone to make it a point that this is wrong. But most people aren't defending it. People are quick to defend cops, innocent or not. And again, I am in full support of defending innocent cops. But these same people will turn an eye while ignoring the death and mistreatment of innocent black people. If you're going to share a post reflecting on the loss of a police officer, you should also be sharing for the loss of any human life that was taken wrongly and where justice should be served. Shouldn't we be defending innocent people as a whole, and asking for the proper justice for each and every person who is mistreated? We have to stop coming up with excuses for brutality and injustice. We have to stop enabling it by scrutinizing the victims.

R.I.P. Philando Castile

Those of you ignoring these acts are the same people who will preach ending the divide, telling us to stop painting banners showcasing these atrocities, asking for attention. But what you refuse to see is that the majority of the black community is scared, and that's not something most of us have to deal with regularly. They are scared for their sons and daughters, their brothers and sisters. They worry that if their family and friends just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, they could lose their life and their murderer could walk free, being allowed to do it again, without having to feel sorry. They are scared every second of every day. This isn't a constant threat or worry to white parents when they send their sons and daughters off to school each day. But if it was, you all would be a lot more eager to speak up, wouldn't you.

Yes, there are other problems out there in our society, but that doesn't mean we should ignore this one.

The bottom line is that police brutality will continue as long as these people know they have a large community backing them and their actions. They know that if they make a mistake, society will pick apart the victim or simply turn an eye to the situation like it never happened. Because in our current society, they know that if they choose to pull the trigger and they were wrong, they will still get to keep their job, they won't have to suffer consequences for their unjustifiable actions, and in some way shape or form, America will have their back. Changing this dynamic will save lives. In that potential moment of fear or misjudgment, when something inside of them is trying to decide between pulling the trigger or disregarding stereotypes and prejudice, they will choose to not pull the trigger. So yes, let's end the divide and come together. But to come together, we need to stick up for one another.

This isn't something we can just preach and tell people to do. It takes time, it'll take decades yet to come. But each and every individual person needs to do their part. If you hear racial comments, do not sit back and remain silent. End it. Do not teach racism in any form. That starts with stereotypes. Do not stereotype black people as being thugs, because that's what inspires fear and false action. Stop displacing blame for our country's racial problems on our president, the black community, or everyone else, rather than making it your own problem. Have an open mind and stop being so quick to slander other's lifestyles because it's different than your own. Respect these differences. You will learn something. You will become a more diverse individual. You will have a kinder heart. You will not live in fear. You will be able to teach a new generation to love, accept, understand and forgive. You will inspire change that can end the divide, and bring the nation together. A nation that truly gives everyone freedom.

This all starts with recognizing there is a problem. Let it be known that what's happening is not okay, and that change is eminent. Stop being quiet, stop ignoring the issues, and start speaking up.

"A lot of white people need to shut up and listen. They really don't know what the African-American experience truly is. When you have people getting shot in their cars for no reason and being put in jail cells and it's for profit, we have a serious problem, and the first thing you need to do is get educated. Don't try to do this, like, 'blue lives matter.' Don't try to do the 'all lives matter.' Just shut up and listen to the experience. And then move forward after that."

-Billie Joe Armstrong